Welcome to Part 30 of the series "Dear Future Spouse." It's time to savor the holidays! Great food! Great family memories! A loving God! These are real people who are writing to their future King and Queen. They do not personally know each other, but they are getting to know each other through the letters. Each week, you will find a response to the letter before. So, grab some coffee, tea, or tissue, and enjoy! Tell us what you think!
Dear Future Husband,
I hope this letter finds you in good spirits. My grandmother is in town for a few weeks visiting from Texas so all is right in my world. I love the ability to purchase a plane ticket for her whenever I want to give her a break from normal life and get showered with her love. I do recognize it won’t always be that convenient if we were to move out of the country. I do pray to be in a place of financial stability that if we do make that decision, we will not only be able to fly relatives to visit when we’re homesick, but we will give our children the ability to experience so much more. The world is so much bigger than the United States, and whether we stay or go, I would hope to give our children a culturally compassionate view of the world.
This compassion extends to answering questions our children may ask about why people hurt and kill. There’s so much we don’t understand, and we never will. I’m almost 30 years old, and I still can’t comprehend how people are taught and complacent with hating others purely based on something as unchangeable as a person’s skin. I never asked God to be the race He made me, but I have learned to love me just as I am. I not only see the beauty in my race and culture but also in that of all other groups.
Ironically, as culturally accepting as I believe I am, for the most part, I subscribe to traditional Western gender roles in a marriage. My father was a Marine and to this day the best cook I know. My family had a running joke that I have to marry a man who could cook because my daddy spoiled me so much with his food. He was the one to actually cook all the holiday meals for the family. I anticipate doing the majority of the cooking and housework, but I do think there needs to be a balance. Everyone in the house contributes to the house getting dirty so everyone should be cleaning, husband included. You, as the husband, may be the primary breadwinner, but I couldn’t have made the children by myself so raising them is something we both have a role in.
Speaking of making babies…
While my friend and her partner were becoming intimate, her partner told her that since she was the one to initiate the encounter, she had to do all the work. That crazy thought made me think of two things: how would our sexual encounters be, and how would I respond if I heard something like that? Whenever there’s conflict in a relationship, I become extremely reclusive and bottle things up despite knowing this isn’t healthy. I’ve been diligently taking steps to choose the right words at the right time to express my discontentment, but I know that I have a very VERY long way to go.
If we had a disagreement, how do you usually respond? And in an effort to avoid arguments like the one above, what expectations or desires do you have for intimacy in our marriage?
I hope this letter was not too graphic for you, however, I anxiously await your reply.
With Love,
Your Future Wife
