Welcome to Part 32 of the series "Dear Future Spouse." It's time to savor the holidays! Great food! Great family memories! Healthy Communication! A loving God! These are real people who are writing to their future King and Queen. They do not personally know each other, but they are getting to know each other through the letters. Each week, you will find a response to the letter before. So, grab some coffee, tea, or tissue, and enjoy! Tell us what you think!
Dear Future Husband,
Usually, it’s always a joy reading and responding to your letters, but your last one is a challenge for me. You asked “What makes you reclusive and bottle things up when conflicts arise and how can I assist you on my end in those moments?” That’s SUCH a loaded question lol. I can’t say I had any childhood traumas that caused me to respond to conflict the way I do, but as a child I was always taught to respect adults and not talk back. Sometimes, it wasn’t a matter of talking back though; sometimes, I just wasn’t given the opportunity to fully express myself, and then it started to feel like my opinions wouldn’t matter anyway. Sadly, adult conflicts seem to project the same feelings. The other party spends so much time voicing their dissent and perspective of the issue that they do not listen to understand my side. This is the point I usually shut down and stop participating, which leads to the conflict lingering and rearing its ugly head in a future (most times unrelated) argument. While I agree that no conflict should go unresolved for an extended amount of time, I need time to process my thoughts and think about how I want to approach it. Having that processing time will possibly help me articulate the issues and be a better participant in coming to a resolution. This is just me speculating; I’ve never tried this approach, but I look forward to learning our way through conflict together.
Regarding intimacy, I believe it’s created daily. It doesn’t take much to butter me up, whether it’s a very tight hug when you greet me or stroking my back while curled on the couch watching television. Even humoring each other by laughing at corny jokes creates a level of closeness that cannot be substituted by the actual sexual acts. Flirting and just small acts of care and kindness can make a big difference to me emotionally, especially on the days that I’m not looking or feeling my best. Now, don’t get me wrong; if I come home from work and have a warm bubble bath drawn with neo-soul playing and massage oil laid out by the bed, your efforts will truly be rewarded, but I don’t need that every time to set the mood to physically connect.
Enough on that subject!
I was listening to the radio the other day, and a woman was upset that her brother-in-law had been living with them for over two years and not paying rent. She felt like it wasn’t her place to kick him out because her sister (and sister’s kids) stayed with them for a 6-month period. It’s so hard to imagine being uncomfortable in your own home, but at the same time, I understand feeling compelled to help family in their time of need. What do you think about extended family living with us? Do you think there should be limits on how long they stay? Should they make a contribution (financially, chores, etc) while staying with us?
The holidays are officially around the corner. While looks aren’t everything, I hope that you’re still working out to not put on the Thanksgiving dinner pounds. I want you to look your best for whenever we meet.
Until next time,
Your Future Wife
